


Six Saucepans and a Dead Man

by TheGoliathBeetle



Category: Free!
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Fluff, Haru de-ecalates conflict, M/M, MakoHaru Week 2016, Makoto is an idiot, Older brothers being older brothers, Ren and Ran - Freeform, a carrot is murdered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8095948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoliathBeetle/pseuds/TheGoliathBeetle
Summary: Haru returns from the grocery store to find Makoto in an uncharacteristic rage. In between banging utensils and annihilating an unsuspecting carrot, Makoto explains that Ran has a boyfriend. .For MakoHaru Week 2016Prompt: Favourite Headcanon





	

**Author's Note:**

> This might seem a bit OOC, but I’ve had this headcanon for the longest time that Makoto is an extremely overprotective older brother. He’s basically a third parent to Ren and Ran when you think about it, and he’s hung around with lots of guys his age and probably understands (or thinks he understands) the teenage boy’s mind. So if he hears his sister is starting to date – and date a guy older than her, he would probably flip. Haru would be the voice of reason. 
> 
> On that note, I imagine Ren and Ran go to Haru when they want to gossip about their love affairs (because Makoto gets so touchy). Makoto hears them giggling and gossiping and it makes him really antsy that Haru won’t spill their secrets. But Haru is a good confidante, hahaha xD 
> 
> . 
> 
> For MakoHaru Week 2016  
> Date: Tuesday, 20th September  
> Prompt: Favourite Headcanon

What could possibly have happened in the twenty minutes that Haru had gone to get groceries that had made Makoto so mad?

As soon as Haru entered their apartment, he could feel a palpable tension in the air. A sort of lingering stiffness. Was it the furniture? Their couch and TV and coffee table were spotless, almost painfully so, like they'd been wiped twenty times with cleaning solution. From the kitchen, Haru could hear odd clanging noises. Makoto never was one for cooking, but even then, he never created such a godawful racket.

Gingerly, Haru entered the kitchen, lugging his bag of groceries as he did. He wasn't feeling too happy himself – the store didn't have any fresh mackerel, just the canned stuff. What sort of person could eat canned mackerel with a smile?

His eyes narrowed as he saw Makoto now. Slamming utensils and spoons all over the platform, his boyfriend had resorted to chopping vegetables – chopping, or massacring? A knife stab-stab-stabbed through a carrot so furiously that Haru was a bit worried Makoto might hurt himself. What was he cooking, anyway? Haru's eyes wandered across the mess of the kitchen platform. What sort of recipe involved chopped carrots, six saucepans and a ladle?

"Makoto?" he finally asked.

Said man put the knife down on the chopping board and turned, his green eyes alarmingly livid. "You won't _believe_ what just happened."

Haru was pretty sure he wouldn't, but asked anyway, "what happened?"

Even though Makoto's eyes fell on Haru's grocery bag, he didn't acknowledge it. "Ran called me up."

"…Oh." Haru blinked. Usually, Makoto loved talking to his siblings. He didn't get to see them as often as he liked, because of his responsibilities as head coach at the children's swimming center. "…What did she say?" he finally prompted when Makoto just stood there, glaring at him.

"What did she say?" he repeated. " _What did she say?_ "

"Yes," Haru replied patiently. "What did she say?" It was hard not to be amused. Haru couldn't remember the last time Makoto had been so angry. It didn't suit him, it didn't even make sense.

"She said she's met some – some _idiot_ – at her school and they've been dating for the last two months!" Makoto snapped, throwing his hands up in the air.

Haru blinked. Makoto couldn't be. He couldn't possibly be one of those overprotective brothers. He just. He just _couldn't._

And yet…

"Like, I don't even know who this guy is?" Makoto went on. "Ran is so young and impressionable, and apparently this guy she's dating is a couple of years older than her? Why can't he get a girl his own age? Does he want to sleep with her? Is he going to manipulate her? What the hell am I going to do, Haru-chan?"

Haru would have replied with his customary 'drop the –chan', but he had a feeling Makoto would completely fly off the handle if he did. So instead, he placed the grocery bag on the kitchen platform next to the six empty saucepans and gave Makoto a hard stare. "She's a smart girl, Makoto. She can handle herself." This is what he'd said to Rin too, when Rin freaked about Gou dating Mikoshiba. It didn't work on Rin. Haru doubted it would work on Makoto either.

No, no it didn't.

"I know, she's smart and strong and all that, but – but you know how guys are! When _we_ were that age…" and then he trailed off, his eyes looking momentarily lost. Perhaps he was trying to rectify his argument, because _when we were that age_ didn't really work for any of the Iwatobi boys, least of all Haru and Makoto. They'd always been very involved in each other, and had never even gone on one date with a girl. Giving up, Makoto just said, "look, I don't trust him, and I'm going over there this weekend to give him a piece of my mind."

"You're doing _what_?"

"Mom invited us over anyway. You know why?" Then, " _you know why_?"

This was getting slightly exhausting. "Why?" Haru asked, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes.

"Because Ran's _boyfriend_ ," – he said the word 'boyfriend' like he'd say the word 'urine' – "is coming over to meet the family." Nostrils flaring, Makoto finished, "if he thinks he's going to manipulate my sister and get into her pants, and then break her heart and disappear, he has no _idea_ what he's going to have to deal with."

Normally, nobody would think Makoto to be scary. Hell, Makoto was usually the timid one. Still, Haru couldn't forget his size – if Makoto chose to intimidate someone, he really could, no doubt about it. Haru almost, almost didn't bother arguing, just because he wanted to see Makoto threaten some clueless high schooler. Dominant Makoto was a hot Makoto.

Still. That was, well, mean. Ran wouldn't appreciate it.

"Did you clean the living room because you were angry?" Haru decided to ask. He didn't want to go for a direct attack. It would just aggravate Makoto more.

"I had to do _something._ I thought I was going to yell at Ran on the phone, but I managed not to. But I was mad, you know?" he rambled on, turning firmly back to the decimated carrot on the chopping board in front of him.

"What are you making?" Haru went up to him.

Makoto exhaled loudly, gaze nailed to the carrot. Then, "I don't know." He said it with such irritation that Haru had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing.

As warmly as he could, Haru edged Makoto away from the chopping board, taking hold of the knife and trying to even out the haphazardly cut carrot. "I'll make us some dinner," he explained unnecessarily. Beside him, he heard Makoto exhale.

"It's a good thing she's going out and meeting new people," Haru went on, keeping his tone light. He glided from the chopping board to the grocery bag, taking out vegetables and meat and seasoning. "Having new experiences and getting hurt is all a part of growing up," he went on. It sounded cheesy in his head, but this was the kind of thing Makoto would benefit from hearing.

"I don't want her to get used," Makoto muttered, almost sulking.

"You're jumping to conclusions, Makoto. Give this guy the benefit of doubt."

His boyfriend made an unhappy grunt. "I don't _want_ to." He sounded so hilariously petulant, Haru couldn't help but shoot him a fond, amused smile.

As he started cleaning the meat, Makoto added, "and what if I'm not being paranoid and he does hurt her?"

"Then I'd break his bones," Haru retorted, not entirely truthfully. He would definitely be mad. Ran was a little sister to him too. Maybe he'd even rough up the guy a bit. (Although Haru had never roughed-up anyone before. Slamming Rin into lockers because he was angry didn't quite count.) But he wouldn't break his bones.

"I'd kill him," Makoto muttered.

"Why don't you go set the table?" Haru asked a little loudly. At least Makoto wasn't fuming and mutilating root vegetables anymore. It wasn't much, but it was something.

Behind him, Haru heard Makoto make a bizarre, unintelligible whine. "Harruuuuuuuuuu! How can you be so calm about this?"

With a loud, exasperated sigh, Haru put the meat down on the platform, washed his hands in the sink and then pulled Makoto into a kiss. It was a chaste thing, just to calm him down and clear his head.

"What if she's met someone that makes her as happy as you make me? Would you want to threaten and intimidate a guy like that?"

"Ew, your hands smell of chicken. And what if he's a jerk?"

"But what if he isn't?"

"But what if he _is_?"

"But what if he _isn't_?"

"Haru, this is pointless."

"Precisely _._ " Pressing his lips together in what was a non-verbal demand for Makoto to shut up, Haru went on, "stop freaking out about something you don't even understand yet. It's stupid. And go set the table. Or don't. We can sit on the couch and watch a movie if you like. But just. Relax."

Makoto pouted, but then ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I guess you're right." The note of reluctance in his tone was surprising, but also deeply, deeply amusing. As though admitting that Haru could, on occasion, be right about things like this, was slightly offensive to Makoto.

"Of course I'm right." Haru took one of the six random saucepans on the platform and put it on the stove.

Warm hands came up from behind him, wrapping around his waist. Makoto nuzzled Haru's cheek with his own. While he didn't say the words, _I love you_ , Haru laughed anyway. "You're such a sap. Go pick a movie."

"Mmkay, Haru." Makoto finally let go, but as he walked out of the kitchen, Haru heard him say, "I will kill him if he's a jerk though."

Haru rolled his eyes, but there was nothing he could possibly say in response to totally dissuade Makoto's ridiculous older-brother instincts. So Haru just shrugged. "Do what you must."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :) Please comment.


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